A little advice for parents of teenagers.
Im here to give you all some parenting advice.
Now, i know what your thinking, "Peta, you are NOT a parent, how can you dare tell people how to raise their kids when you dont even have any!".
Well, you see, I was a teenager, not too long ago.
And I was pretty horrid.
Its not too long that i dont remember what it was like to be young, but I've grown up enough now to realise how bratty i was.
My parents did the best they could to try to keep me in line, but they made the same mistakes over and over and my rebellion skyrocketed.
Mistake number 1.
ANGER.
My parents used to get so angry with me.
Fire feeds fire and we would end up in screaming matches, slamming doors and throwing things.
More then once my parents have had to pull over because I was about to jump out of the moving car to escape. And more then once have i cut contact for months because I was so angry that my parents were always ANGRY at me.
If your angry, have a 24 hour cool off period before you confront your teenager about something.
If that is not possible, take 10 deep breaths, lower your voice, check your body language and start a discusson without placing blame.
If either of you get worked up, walk away and come back to it.
Mistake number 2.
PUNISHMENT.
Punishment almost never works.
What are you punishing your teenager for?
Making a bad choice?
Instead of punishing your teenager for drinking at a party, experimenting with drugs or skipping school, have a chat with them and help them make better choices in the future.
I know I would have been a lot more responsive to "Peta, we are disappointed that you were drinking at a party and lied, next time if you decide you might like to try alcohol, please speak to us so we can help make sure you are safe" than....
"Peta! You will not be leaving you room and you can forget about that party next weekend!"
Ask your teenager WHY he/she is skipping school, listen to them and help them find a solution.
Teenagers are going to do what they want regardless, try to help them do things safely and without judgement instead of trying to stop them altogether.
Mistake number 3.
IM YOUR PARENT, NOT YOUR FRIEND.
This is true for a child, but i really wish my parents were more friendly with me when i was a teenager.
I didn't feel like i could talk to them about anything really.
When i wanted piercings at 16, i was told "no" by my old fashioned folks, but went behind their backs anyway. I wished i could have shown my Mum and Dad my ultra cool new belly button piercing, but knew id probably get in trouble, sooo, I hid it.
I never told my parents about boys i liked or what happened at parties and they didn't like some of my friends... Essentially, they pushed themselves out of the loop.
Be open and communicate with your teen, get to know their friends and encourage their self expression, which means biting your tongue and
telling them they look lovely in whatever crazy trend they are wearing.
"Yes Peta, your hair looks great purple!".....
.....not.....
Basically, all I'm saying is, if you want to have a good relationship with your teenager, jump into your time machine, go back to your teen years and remember how you felt.
Its a confusing enough time already, teenagers are stuck somewhere between child and adult.
Teenagers are looking for guidance not permission.
We are capable of making choices and we want our parents to help us make better ones.
